The Evolution Of My Circle

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I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately—how some people walk into your life and leave the best kind of imprint, while others slowly drain you without you even realizing it. I’ve had all kinds of friendships over the years: the ones that made me feel loved and understood, the ones that taught me hard lessons, and the ones I held onto way longer than I should have.

Looking back, I can see how each one shaped me—some in beautiful ways, and others that pushed me to set boundaries and choose better for myself. It’s made me really ask myself: what kind of friend have I been, what kind of friend do I want to be, and who actually deserves a front-row seat in my life. This journal is just me being real and reflecting on what I’ve learned about friendship and how I’ve been intentional about choosing my inner circle.

Friendship used to feel effortless in childhood—the playground, after school sports and our school hallways was where connection just happened. But as we get older, navigating friendships becomes more complicated. Lives change. People change. And slowly, you start to realize that just because someone’s been in your life for years doesn’t mean that friendship is still worth your time and energy. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the friends I’ve had throughout my life and the gratitude I feel toward each of them- the ones that have stayed, the ones that drifted away and the ones I chose to walk away from. Because friendships should make you feel seen and supported, not confused and defeated.

There are friendships that I’ve had for years and we don’t consistently see each other, but when we re-connect its like no time has passed. There’s no awkwardness or guilt- just comfort and understanding. These friendships remind me that real connection doesn’t require constant presence…because we all get busy with life, but that doesn’t mean those friendships are less meaningful. We keep up with each others accomplishments and life events on social media and we make our presence known because the friendship matters. Quality over quantity. What I do know is: every friendship requires input and output, so for some of my friends I know that I’m the one who’s the planner, who sets up dinners or trips for us to see each other, because I know how busy they are in their career or they just had a baby and are in the thick of it. And even tho I’m the planner, they’re the ones who check-in on me when they haven’t heard from me in a while, to ask me how my boys are or to just catch up and reconnect. In these friendships I have grown to understand that communication is key.

I’m so lucky to have friends that have known me since I was a little girl, that have seen me through different stages of my life and they not only know who I am but also how I became me. Some of those friends, grew with me and some grew apart from me. I didn’t fully understand why the friendship dissolved with some, not in one loud argument, but in the slow fading of texts, the awkwardness in tone when we would speak and the distance between us I couldn’t quite name. Sometimes, I would hold on to these friendships a lot longer than I should have out of loyalty, out of habit or to honor the history we had. So, with that came the lesson of learning that just because we’ve known each other for years doesn’t mean we have to force a friendship that’s life span has expired. I wish them well wherever they may be and I thank them for the purpose they served during those years of my life. And my real amigas who did stay and grow with me, those are the ones who I will always show up for, they inspire me to be the best version of myself. They are the ones who have always been there, but don’t need the brightest spotlight to shine in my life. No drama, no pressure. They aren’t just there for the good times, they’ve been there through every stage of life and I’m so grateful. With them- I don’t have to be anything- just being me is enough.

And let’s talk about the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn in friendships, to spot the real ones from the fake. Because remember: when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them. Even tho I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt and tell myself that the friendship was real, energy never lies and neither do my Scorpio instincts. So when the vibe shifted and the energy got weird, I knew it was time to walk away because I don’t hold onto what no longer feels aligned. Their reaction or lack of, just confirmed that I had made the right choice for my life and my circle of trust. And if I wasn’t going to accept these type of friendships in my life anymore, I definitely didn’t want to be this type of friend either, reflecting and understanding how to be a better friend is something that is ever changing and I’m proud of the amazing, supportive circle of friends that I have.

Another lesson I’ve learned along the way is that adult friendships are meaningful because I am choosing them- intentionally. Based on energy, alignment, values and similar stages of life. I have had to make new adult friends in 3 different cities because I’ve moved cross country 4 times in the last decade- I’ll get into that in another journal! We didn’t grow up together, we met through work, parenting, mutual friends, social media or just randomly and all of a sudden we’re having meaningful conversations, sending voice notes, and showing up for each other. It’s so refreshing to meet people who just get it. Who are in the same stage of life or mindset and don’t need a full backstory to be an intentional friend. I cherish these friendships just as much as the others because they are proof that I am evolving and attracting what matches my growth. New friends, new energy, new chapters and I’m here for all of it!

Since getting married and having my 2 boys, I am extremely selective of who I let into my life because its so important to me to raise my boys as good men including how to be a good friend. One thing I’ve always admired about my husband from the moment I met him is his group of friends. These guys have known each other since middle school, some since elementary, and they continuously show up for each other- weddings, baby showers, baptisms, kids bday parties- they’re there, no judgements, no jealousy, no competition, just genuine camaraderie. I pray our boys will have a group of friends like them.

If there’s one thing adulthood has taught me, it’s this: Friendships should fill your cup, not drain it. We’re all juggling so much- careers, families, healing, goals- who really has time for drama and negativity or one-sided energy? Definitely not me. Every friendship in my life, whether it lasted or not, came with a lesson and for that, I’m thankful.

Because the older I get, the more I realize—you don’t need a lot of friends, just the real ones.

Besos, Jenn💋

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